Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas Runaway 2011: Ujung Genteng (Sukabumi, West Java)

have i told you i am a big fan of universe? well, more of that, i guess she's my very first love: nature, sea, mountains, wildlife, the whole universe. well i'll make you fall in love with it, too.

 that's why those in heaven are happy, i guess.
jump, anyone?

 you're blue, orange, red, violet, grey,
make a life, make a death
see the sky just to see god is great

 this one taken at amanda ratu beach, sukabumi. go, go!

 most romantic one:
sea turtle babies go to the sea,
get a life, babies!


this christmas i was in solitude. well, not really, i have some companions, but after all, i set myself in solitude. there was a scene reminding me of Coldplay's Yellow, while i walked alone, separated from them all, bombarded by light drops of rain, watched the waves, and sang along. you MUST try it! though it wasn't sunrise, yeah at least there's a great amount of satisfaction i felt: i got what i seek.

and about the turtle scene. it was sooo touching that i want to cry! well, it's hyperbolic, but they were so cute and small yet have to struggle so hard just to get in the water (it is forbidden to put them directly to the water since it'll ruin their survival mechanism), then let them selves swept away by the sea stream, and come back 30 years later. jesus, they're just babies! 'yea, cool, huh? life's hard even for turtles, mate! but they like it' jesus answered me. well, that one's a hoax.

well, those photos above maybe not really good. i don't have good skills on picturing and editing, but they're just as cute as they are, right? last words, 'invite yourself to leave' said a friend while we're leaving. yeah, the universe won't torture you while you have to leave, you feel peaceful instead. maybe that's why i'm so deep in love with it :)

Monday, December 19, 2011

mates, what do you say about 'harmony'?

it's not put all the instruments altogether at the same time. not necessary to have a long-melodic part in all songs. isn't it about creating empty space for other, letting your ear enjoy its tunes, then play your part when the time is right?

you can't have a conversation when everyone talks at the same time.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

sweeper

a sweeper is a function in a trekking team, the last person to 'sweep' and accompany those who are desperately being the last people walking amongst the team. they should deal with those who are sick, naturally slow, in a state of weakness, or simply unlucky.

everybody hates being a sweeper. you need to be very diligent, sometimes have to be ready to take over their carrier if they're not strong enough to carry it anymore. you need to be very patient. you need to be fun, keeping the spirit of the people you're sweeping no matter however cranky you're on them. you need to be super supportive, and sometimes, when the circumstances turns disadvantageous, you shall be firm. it's so difficult to balance the firmness and kindness directed to those who already in total fatigue, being despair of finding the finish line, and want nothing but an end.



but let's pretend you're sweeping a stranger. a fun stranger. and you like him/her very much. and you're losing control of being firm and starts enjoying the flow. you put your heart, all your effort sincerely, to sweep him/her. that could be a big trouble because you put both of you in a dangerous risk of being far too late. yay, it won't be a problem if it's a city, but remember, it's jungle. and remember, you're just sweeping. by the time your mission accomplished, in other words, deliver the person safely out of the jungle, you'll be just... saying goodbye and he/she will just say thank you. and you'll feel slightly alone since your heart was still there.

and well, in daily life, sometimes you can find the analogy... and being trapped like that feels like 'Ouch!'

so, before sweeping, fence yourself well, ladies :)

Sunday, December 4, 2011

this world's teaching me to observe... and not taking side yet.

We had good times, had bad times. Years pass by and people change. Yes, people change. And it changes me, too.

I said, in high school, stupid smokers! Especially those smokers whose head veiled. What the hell are they thinking?
Here, now, I can say nothing when my bestfriend passionately smoke in front of me, with her veil, hidden from outside. Sometimes under pressure because she don't want to be seen, but she wants to smoke badly. Or, a lovable best-bestfriend who has to wear veil after married. A young girl, only twenty-two who rarely got home sober in the dawn. It's totally weird to see her in such thing, I was like shouting "Allahu akbar!" at first, but soon to be calmed with her normal portion-cigarette which make me sure she's still completely sober.

And never thought a friend would be a Christ denier... Or got into a really deep doubtness of religion matter, and finally left...
Either preachers or non-believer are great. For the sake of humanity, I love both of them. As long as they don't disturb me, or try to preach on me. I once a nice believer, how diffferent all of us ever since. And a bestfriend suddenly agnostic. Lots of agnostics around. And lots of holy mates. My mom and Dad might be surprised for my frequency of saying "Astaghfirullah", "Masyaallah", and so on, or to find Al-Qur'an highlighted on my desk, together with my untouched bible. But for that case, religions are merely habit.

I mocked at people who believe in ghost. I mocked at all form of irrationality....
Then I lived for nearly two months with host family in Turkey who truly believe in fortune-telling and all the supernatural matters. Then one and a half month in a remote island in Eastern Lesser Sunda with all the magical things. I can say nothing, I could mock no one. I was taught to respect, to observe.


And I am halfway understand that people wear masks.Welcome to the world, honey!
You might be too late.
How young souls are so easy. Easy to everything, on everything.

Next you may say divorce is normal, permissive to homosexuals, even probably get used to torture, then have excuse for everything.
The more you know, the more reasons behind everything you can find out.
There will be a time to take sides.

But before all, the pleasure of being naive... is irreplaceble.
And I would like to trade everything to be naive forever.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

my big chunk of happines these three years

they already known from the beginning that there will be one point when they will lose me, but they insist to keep me with them. they drove so far just to take me to gigs, or delivered me home, midnight or dawn. they introduce me to unfamiliar music. they took me from the airport twice. they waited while i was busy. they give compliments for things i never expected, sometimes excessive which get me blushing...

they have been major part of joy for the other side of my self, feeding the right brain of mine.

it's me who's so lucky to be amongst you, guys. and for the time when we'll have to end up, i apologize. but trust me, surprise will come to those who are passionately want a thing.

Friday, November 4, 2011

fetish

Have just heard a song by my favorite Indonesian band, with a very touching lyrics telling about a guy wishing his only one to be forever by his side. Shared as a link in someone's page while I'm trying to stalk, devoted to his lovely wife.

I'm an intellectual fetish, I admit. But this one is married. YEAY, young, smart, funny, and MARRIED. Why are all of them must be married?

Instead of intellectual fetish, I could be married-guy fetish. HELL.

Tentang Galau

Again, a random conversation of me and a buddy:

B: Hey, I guess we should make a pop song, I mean, pop lyrics. And you know what's on everybody's mind? GALAU.

Me: *memandang dengan jijik* Galau is a doctrine, dude. And I'm strongly disagree about writing galau lyrics, moreover if you classify it pop. I will not make people feel pathetically worry about their life or love life or whatever which is actually fine. It just offering them false sense to drown deeper in a shallow water.

B: Yeah but we're talking about songs and lyrics, honey. It's about a relationship of yourself and you unconcious mind and the silence recognition of your mind of the current state of loneliness. Everybody must've had that side.

Me: (still) Well, even though I write about it, still I won't make it overblown. This generation of lyrics, esp. the locals, already make me feel like throwing up.

Me, silence. Buddy smoked in silence.

Well, however I really mean it, mates. GALAU IS A DOCTRINE. Me and my other buddy ever discussed about the reason why are we never been into that doctrine, it's possibly because our joking manner which make us feel like forever being children, and we want to be children, and we never admit we already passed childhood. Those children are always too busy entertaining themselves, and they are not exposed to such doctrine to force them thinking too much about negative aspects of life, or love life, etc.

So, still, I'm here against galau, and waiting for a scientific research stating those who always galau would be shorter in age than those who aren't. I BET.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

a letter for greedy me

Dear Greedy,

Everytime you feel insecure of your boring future for working with office routine, think about that man who's in his late 50 still walking around your campus, selling one basket of chinese pao from morning till night. Or mid-age sekuteng seller who's still around till dawn, or librarian who do their more-boring routine for inputting data for book circulation, 6 days a week.

They do it everyday, and they have to work everyday just for living.

When you demand of more holiday and craving for your taken freedom, look at those tramp and beggars who have 24 hours holiday and no obligation to do. You don't want to be them.

They're so free yet they want certainty and prosperity you possess so bad.

When you scared of your future and feel like want to stay in present forever, remember that time is keep running. Remember that you were born and raised to be prepared in facing future. Remember you have mother and father who'll soon entitled for your protection. Remember that you'll have  children, too, and you'll see the present you're wanting to preserve in their life, see the same tremble of facing future.

And while you're already there and looking back to your past, don't compare your life to other, you have no idea what their journey is all about.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Lupakan Kami di Nusantara!


“Setiap warga negara mempunyai hak yang sama untuk memperoleh pendidikan yang bermutu” –UUD 1945 pasal 31 dan UU No. 20 Tahun 2003 tentang Sistem Pendidikan Nasional.
Kalimat itu terngiang-ngiang di telingaku saat kupandangi makhluk mungil di depanku ini. Tubuhnya lumpuh di seluruh bagian bawah dan sebelah kanan atas, menyebabkannya berjalan dengan pantatnya yang tak bercelana; dengan ditopang tangan kirinya yang kapalan karena seumur hidup dipakai menyeret dan menyangga seluruh berat tubuhnya ketika bergerak ataupun diam. Ia tampak dekil dan kotor, seperti gelandangan ibukota tapi sedikit lebih memprihatinkan dengan liur yang tak berhenti menetes dari mulutnya. Umurnya tak lebih dari tujuh tahun, diingat orang-orang sekitarnya walaupun tiada akta kelahiran ataupun surat dokter sebagai penanda tanggal lahirnya.
“Halo, namamu siapa?” sapaku dengan ulasan senyum termanis sambil mengulurkan tangan, hati-hati agar tak membuatnya takut. Ia mengulurkan tangan kirinya, tersenyum malu-malu sambil bergumam tak jelas. Dari belakang punggungku kudengar orang ramai berceletukan dalam bahasa yang tidak kumengerti, sepertinya menerjemahkan perkataanku.
Ia tak bisa bahasa Indonesia. Baiklah, tugasku tampaknya berat.
Ngara moai[1]?” tanyaku lagi.
“Ngaji,” jawabnya sambil tertawa kegirangan sendiri. Meskipun pelafalannya tak jelas, dapat kutangkap namanya yang khas pulau ini. Lagipula sebenarnya aku tak benar-benar tidak tahu namanya; ia ada dalam data assessment-ku.
Ialah Ngaji, calon muridku sebulan ke depan, bocah yang menurut nalar kesoktahuanku kuperkirakan menderita cereberal palsy. Ialah Ngaji, bocah tak beruntung yang aku, calon gurunya, alih-alih tenaga profesional yang berlatar belakang pendidikan atau psikologi, malahan seorang mahasiswa hukum yang bermodalkan dua jilid buku yang kubaca kilat dan riset seadanya tentang anak berkebutuhan khusus sekitar seminggu sebelum datang ke pulau ini. Dan diantara aku dan ia, ada pulau ini. Si satu diantara tujuh belas ribu yang jadi sasaran Kuliah Kerja Nyata universitasku tercinta. Si empat puluh satu kilometer persegi daratan mungil yang terpisah empat jam perjalanan laut dari kota kecil Maumere. Pulau yang tak ada di peta, yang listriknya menyala hanya pada jam enam sampai sepuluh malam, yang keterbatasan sinyalnya membuat siapapun yang mau menelepon harus turun dari gunung ke pantai. Palu’e, bumi Rokatenda, orang menyebutnya.
Kulaksanakan ritual assessment-ku dengan cepat, menanyakan pertanyaan pada yang bisa menjawab dan melakukan serangkaian tes sederhana untuk mengenali keadaan awal calon muridku ini. Bagaimanapun masih terlalu banyak calon murid lain untuk di-asses; tiga puluh tiga anak berkebutuhan khusus dalam satu desa bukan jumlah yang tidak membuatku terbelalak. Ada delapan desa di pulau ini. Dan lebih mengenaskan lagi, pulau ini tak punya Sekolah Luar Biasa, yang artinya anak-anak cacat ini tak kenal pendidikan. Tapi aku menyukai Ngaji; ia beruntung segera kupilih jadi muridku. Ia akan segera mengenal sedikit pendidikan, walaupun mungkin sebatas huruf dan angka yang belum tentu pula terselesaikan dalam satu bulan masa tugasku di sini.

 ***

“Eeee, untuk apa, Nona. Saya masih tak bisa mengerti. Dia itu bodoh sekali, kamu ajari sedikit lama sekali tangkapnya. Kamu pulang ke Jakarta, lupa semua mereka punya pelajaran,” mengomel nenek Ngaji sementara aku mengajari anaknya huruf AIUEO. Agak tak nyaman aku karena ia berjongkok sedangkan aku duduk di kursi. Namun beginilah kebiasaannya, tak akan diperbolehkan aku ikut berjongkok.
“Tentu bisa, nek. Tidak ada itu orang yang bodoh, yang ada kebutuhannya dan kecerdasannya berbeda-beda, jadi cara mengajarinya juga berbeda. Lagipula, Ngaji semangat sekali belajar, sayang sekali kan dia tidak punya kesempatan mengenal huruf dan angka selama ini. Dia nanti bisa baca, bisa lihat dunia dari buku-buku,” kusahut sambil tersenyum. Si nenek tak pernah mengajari Ngaji, aku tahu itu. Tak pernah ada yang mencoba mengajari Ngaji. Tak pernah.
“Tidak akan bisa dia, Nona. Kadang saya kesal, Nona, sama Tuhan. Buat apa dia kasih lahir anak seperti ini. Mamanya juga tak mau rawat dia, dia tinggal kerja di Malaysia dikasihkan saja ke saya. Ini anak kerja juga tidak bisa, makan banyak, jadi beban saja,”
Kupandangi nenek ini. Tidak, ia tidak mengerti bahagianya mengenal pendidikan, takkan sempat ia bahkan untuk mengangankannya. Ia tidak merasakan betapa menagihnya menggali ilmu, mengikuti rangkaian perdebatan akademisi dan melahap jurnal dari satu peradaban ke peradaban lainnya, meniti perdebatan demi perdebatan. Mungkin, ia bahkan tidak merasakan manfaatnya mengenal huruf dan angka. Ia mencangkul, hidup dari kebunnya sendiri. Ia memelihara ayam dan babi, memotongnya kalau sudah gemuk atau saat ada pesta. Wanita begitu sibuk di pulau ini; mencuci, memasak, berkebun, beternak, menenun, bahkan jika perlu memanjat pohon kelapa. De facto, memang tak ada yang sempat mengurus Ngaji, apalagi mendidiknya. Apa yang kusebut hasrat belajar termentahkan bagi anak-anak cacat di sini.
Kupandangi Ngaji, mengingat teori kesejahteraan sosial yang diajarkan di kuliah. Apakah ada seseorang di pulau ini yang perduli untuk mendidik mereka, jika seluruh perhatian mereka tercurahkan untuk menghidupi diri sehari-hari? Mungkin mimpi kami tentang bocah-bocah cacat ini berjarak puluhan tahun dari mimpi pulau ini.
“Di kota mereka diajari dengan baik, Nek...” ucapku lirih, mengawasi Ngaji yang asyik meniru guratan huruf AIUEO-ku tanpa mengerti pelafalan dari huruf-huruf yang sedang ditirunya.
“O ya? Ada yang mau mengajari?” terbelalaklah si Nenek.
Aku memandangnya miris, mengerti betul sudut pandangnya. “Ada. Tapi mereka bayar mahal, Nek,”
“Tapi mereka bisa ajari anak-anak ini?”
“Bisa. Yang mengajar bukan mahasiswa payah seperti saya, Nek. Yang mengajar guru khusus, profesional, yah orang yang khusus belajar untuk pendidikan anak-anak seperti Ngaji lah, Nek,” kewalahan aku mencari kata-kata sederhana untuk menggambarkan ‘profesional’.
“Oho, khusus belajar untuk mengajari anak cacat? Ada yang belajar seperti itu?” makin terkejutlah si nenek. Aku tertawa, lucu sekali kepolosan nenek ini; mungkin takkan kutemukan di Jakarta.
“Iya. Disebutnya Sekolah Luar Biasa, kelasnya dibagi-bagi sesuai cacat. Gurunya yang betul-betul cakap. Anak-anak yang buta, bisu-tuli, cacat mental, idiot, atau juga yang seperti Ngaji ini, mereka semua belajar pelajaran sesuai kurikulum yang ditentukan, seperti anak sekolah biasa itu, Nek.” Meskipun agak tak enak aku menyebut cacat-cacat itu, aku tahu tak akan bisa aku menggunakan istilah tuna-tunaan dengan si nenek. Dan lagi-lagi aku kelabakan mencari padanan kata ‘kurikulum’.
“Di Maumere juga ada, di sana Susteran yang urus. SLB juga ada di Maumere,” tambahku.
“Kenapa tidak ada di sini? Jauh itu, siapa mau urus dia di Maumere,” keluhnya redup. Tapi sebentar kemudian matanya bersinar,
“Jadi Ngaji ini bisa pintar? Ah bercanda kamu? Lihat kamu ajar huruf lima itu saja tak bisa-bisa dia dari kemarin,”
Aku tertawa lagi, hampir putus asaku mengajarnya AIUEO. “Nenek lihat saja, waktu saya datang dia tidak tahu apa-apa. Nanti waktu saya pulang sudah kenal huruf dan angka si Ngaji ini,”
“Heeee waiyeee!” seru si nenek lalu berlalu memberi makan babi.
Aku tertawa lagi mendengar celetukannya. Tapi aku bersungguh-sungguh. Akan kubuktikan pada orang-orang di pulau ini bahwa anak-anak seperti Ngaji bisa belajar, dan mereka memang berhak untuk belajar. Satu bulan kami di sini mungkin hanya bisa mengenalkan sedikit huruf, tapi seumur hidup anak-anak ini terlalu sia-sia dihabiskan tanpa kenal pendidikan karena sesungguhnya mereka mampu belajar ribuan kali lipat daripada sekedar huruf. Kuingat lagi pasal 31 UUD 1945, bekalku dari Fakultas Hukum, hak konstusional warga negara yang melandasi semangatku di sini. Ya, pasal itu masih nol besar di pulau ini. Setiap warga negara belum mencakup anak-anak cacat ini.
***

“Sudah ada wacana memang. Tapi belum kita masukkan dalam RPJM. Belum terpikir secara luas, Nona, masyarakat masih lebih memprioritaskan agenda-agenda lain. Saya sendirian mewacanakan ini. Lagipula, susah sekali mengubah cara pandang mereka itu,” di balai bambu rumah Bapak Kepala Desa kami berbincang.
“Umpan balik dari Pemda lama, sulit sekali memasukkan pos seperti ini. Sama yang di atas belum tentu tidak dipersulit. Alokasi APBD untuk pendidikan juga hanya 20%, pendidikan normal saja terseok-seok. Mana Nona tahu sendiri ini provinsi banyak sekali masalah seleweng-seleweng,” Aku cukup mengenal perilaku birokrat seperti ini. Semuanya mentok di wacana, eksekusinya lambat sekali. Bahkan surat pun bisa jadi penghalang. Dana pendidikan sampai bantuan sosial, selama kepentingan menghendaki takkan haram buat diselewengkan.
“Tapi menurut saya penting sekali itu SLB di Pulau ini. Selama ini fenomena ini ada, tapi masyarakat tidak sadar. Dengan adik-adik datang kemari jauh-jauh dari Jakarta untuk ajari anak-anak yang mereka bilang bodoh, masyarakat mulai mengerti,” aku memandang Bapak Kades, membayangkan sekian ratus kepala desa lainnya di pulau-pulau terpencil atau pedesaan yang menghadapi masalah yang sama. Ribuan anak cacat yang tak terbayangkan oleh mereka yang di kota.
“Selama ini guru-guru terima saja anak-anak itu di sekolah biasa. Sampai mereka tidak bisa ikuti lagi, baru diminta keluar. Tapi ada guru yang jijik, misalnya si Ngaji itu, liurnya keluar terus. Saya minta betul-betul supaya dia diterima sekolah, tapi guru-guru tidak mau terima dia, takut anak lainnya jijik sama liur dan baunya,” aku menerawang. Tidak hanya Ngaji. Mereka yang epilepsi bahkan tidak bisa sekolah di sini. Apalagi yang buta, bisu-tuli. Berapa tahun lagi akan terus begini?

***
Berakhir sudah satu bulan kami di pulau ini. Hari-hari yang penuh bau khas anak-anak didik kami akan segera menjadi hari yang kami rindukan. Kegiatan kami kian tersebar dari mulut ke mulut, terbawa angin sampai ke desa-desa lain yang hanya bisa dicapai perahu motor. Berbeda sudah cara masyarakat memperlakukan bocah-bocah itu, meskipun aku tetap tak yakin sepulang kami akan ada yang meneruskan mengajar mereka.
“Nona, tidak bisa saya percaya Ngaji bisa tahu angka 1-200? Bisa dia tahu A-Z? Benar itu, Nona?” menghamburlah nenek Ngaji selepas presentasi kami di depan masyarakat pulau.
“Coba, Ngaji, tunjukkan sama Nenek,” kuperintahkan bocah tujuh tahun yang sedang berada dalam rangkulanku itu.
“A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, ... J, ...” Ia terhenti. Aku tertawa. Ia tidak ingat lagi seterusnya. Kerja keras setengah mati aku membuatnya ingat sepuluh huruf itu. Jika ditulis, ia bisa ingat. Tapi tidak untuk melafalkan. Sedikit air mataku menggenang mengingat betapa nolnya ia saat pertama dan bagaimana ia selalu bersemangat di tiap pertemuan, walaupun ribuan kali kami mengulangi hal yang sama. Kuingat pula betapa pontang pantingnya kami dengan fasilitas terbatas di pulau kecil ini dan pengetahuan sekedar mahasiswa bodoh, ketika aku dan tim-ku berusaha menggali metode yang tepat buat bocah-bocah ini. Ya, tidak seperti di kota, tidak semudah itu di sini, pun jika benar-benar suatu hari ada SLB. Namun melihat masyarakat yang begitu antusias, begitu haru biru dengan hasil yang dicapai anak-anak yang mereka sebut cacat dan bodoh ini, sedikit banyak aku terhibur. Apalagi melihat sang nenek yang berkaca-kaca ketika kutitipkan modul pembelajaran dan analisa tertulis kondisi Ngaji. Hanya keluarga dan teman-temanlah harapan satu-satunya untuk meneruskan pendidikan bagi anak-anak ini. Berharap pada pemerintah bukannya tabu, hanya saja mungkin akan sia-sia dalam waktu dekat. Kuciumi Ngaji, berharap selepas kepulangan kami ia akan dapat terus belajar. Menghayalkan ia dapat membaca dan menulis, membalas suratku suatu hari nanti. Membayangkan si lumpuh-idiot-berliur menemukan bidangnya dimana ia benar-benar bergairah untuk menghabiskan hidupnya menekuni hal tersebut.
Dari kejauhan, Bapak Kades bersama Bapak Bupati berjalan ke arahku, senyum merekah di wajahnya, “Nona, sungguh kami terkesan dengan program ini. Semua masyarakat terkesan. Tadi saya bincang-bincang dengan Bapak Kades dan Bapak Camat, tentang SLB akan segera kami bahas dan moga-moga untuk RPJM selanjutnya dapat segera kami alokasikan,” manis sekali kata-kata Bupati ini.
“Dan dari desa sendiri, kita akan buat program Pendidikan dan Pelayanan Khusus untuk adik-adik berkebutuhan khusus ini. Semoga ini bisa jadi percontohan untuk desa-desa lainnya. Kita nanti bincang-bincang dulu ya untuk transfer pengetahuan. Mungkin sekali kami akan pakai cara adik-adik,” imbuh Bapak Kades.
Senyumku merekah, mataku membasah. Harapanku sebesar planet Jupiter yang bengkak karena memuai. Naif, khas anak muda.

***
Delapan tahun sudah aku meninggalkan Palu’e, dan kini aku kembali. Pulau ini tetap terpencil, tetap hanya punya sinyal di pantai dan kekurangan air. Delapan tahun aku hanya berhubungan dengan segelintir orang, sekedar menanyakan kabar; namun tidak berkomunikasi dengan anak didikku. Ngaji adalah orang pertama yang kucari begitu aku sampai di sana.
Dan ia adalah yang pertama mematahkan hatiku...
Sosok pemuda pendek, lumpuh dan kotor; berjalan dengan menyeret pantatnya yang tak bercelana dengan tangan kirinya yang kapalan, tak digubris orang, gagu dan berliur. Ia masih tak bisa bahasa Indonesia dan masih suka tertawa sendiri. Ketika aku menyapanya, aku masih mengharapkan ada kejutan kecil; sosok intelektual yang penuh pengetahuan di balik penampilannya yang menggelandang. Tapi tidak, ia tetap berjarak puluhan tahun dari mimpiku, tetap menggapai-gapai nikmat pengetahuan tanpa bisa menyentuhnya, kembali ke nol sebelum ia kutemukan.
Aku terlalu muda dan naif dulu, hingga begitu pedih hatiku sekarang. Sepulang kami, pulau ini kembali mati. Janji Kades, Camat, maupun Bupati tak pernah terwujud, kandas seiring bergantinya tampuk kekuasaan. SLB tak pernah ada, juga Pendidikan dan Pelayanan Khusus. Pasal 31 UUD 1945 tetap nol besar selama delapan tahun, setidaknya di sini, di pulau ini, yang hanya satu di antara tujuh belas ribu...


[1] Ngara moai adalah bahasa Palu’e dari “Namamu siapa?”

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Palu'e Island, Sikka, Eastern Lesser Sunda (K2N UI 2011)




She’s only one amongst thirteen thousand, beg me to deliver her story to the world… 

Promise is an obligation. I owe a promise to write this note about a small island in the northern part of Flores, administratively a sub-district in the province of Eastern Lesser Sunda, Indonesia. I promised to deliver the desire from the local community to let people know about Palu’e, their remote homeland which separated about 4 hours by sea to the closest city (Maumere); and won’t be found in the map even if you type it in the Google Map. I only beg a small amount of time to listen to this story; it won’t be scientific and it won’t be long, for there are still another thirteen thousand islands and millions of complex problems in our archipelago.

But Palu’e deserves to tell her story…

You might feel isolated if you have to switch your easy city life to be in a mountainous 41 sqare kms island with your feet and motorcycle as the only transportation and really limited facilitation. It takes 9 kms from the port to the center of highest village, with the most extreme inclination in the main road reaching 60 degree. It has 8 villages, with cute names such as Tuanggeo, Nitunglea, Rokirole, Ladolaka, and so on. Don’t forget to count small route in the forest which still be used by old grandmothers to collect firewood, and territory of each village in where the areas which are too far from the village centre with very difficult topography which also been resided. But you can never complaint about difficult topography if you see how old women carry firewood as tall as 1,5 times their height on their back, walking kilometers by feet through this kind of topography. Or kids from the furthest village climb the difficult route to reach junior high school in the middle of the mountain.

In here, you complaint about water. But look at this island. Palu’e doesn’t have spring or another source of clear water; for years the people relied on rain and trees. Have you ever drink water from banana tree or take shower with it? They have, even though right now most of them have rainwater receiver (which are mostly broken because of the earthquake on May 2011, so they’re in water crisis right now). And if you could take shower twice in a day, some of them probably do it twice in a week, with only 5-10 liters for everything. Saturday was a school holiday years ago, dedicated for mass shower in the beach because they didn’t have water. And if you could only drink mineral water, try to adapt because boiled water always taste like baked since they use firewood for cooking.

You couldn’t complaint about bad signal of Blackberry. From 8 villages, only 3 villages in Palu’e covered with signal; and note this, not the whole 3 villages. People in the mountain aren’t reached by the telecommunication service, making them have to go to the coast just to text or call a family across the sea. There’s a small tree called ‘Tree of Signal’ in the middle of mountain, and you should share your signal because it won’t be enough for more than 5 people. All the villages on the mountain rely on this small tree. And the electricity only turned on every 6pm to 10pm in the whole island, giving people opportunity to see the world from the television, but sadly they only use it to watch sinetron.

I haven’t told you about woman, the mothers who refuse to have lunch together with the guests, silently eat separated in the kitchen without table and chair, squatting on the ground. The wives who do everything from washing, collecting firewood, parenting, farming, weaving, and so on even some of them climbing the coconut tree for copra. The widows, who may not eat rice and must wear black for five years after her husband’s death. And many other stories that they live with happy hearts without any complaints; that make me pretty sure NGO workers need to work very hard to ensure them about CEDAW or woman empowerment.

And did you ever think about old people, or disabled kids, or migrant with HIV/AIDS; in a remote and mountainous area like this?

There is one small area in the valley surrounded by hills, very steep and far away from the healthcare, even Posyandu. And one of my friend’s life has changed forever for seeing a small house not better than a cage for pigs, resided by an old sick grandmother with her mute-deaf-and paralyzed grandchild, with broken roof from coconut leaves and cracked rainwater receiver filled with dirty water. There’s no neighbor care for her, because in that area living is very difficult for each individuals and houses separated far enough one to another. Juliana Weka, name of that grandmother, could only wait for awareness of the neighbor to feed her, give her water, care for her, even maybe bury her if one day she pass away. The option to take her to the healthcare is very difficult either, because she’s too weak to climb the steep and slippery road from the valley.

And let me tell you about disabled people. There is one village with about 33 disabled people, all without education, all with dirty and untreated look. We haven’t discovered how many of them exist in the whole island. Some of them socially fine, have a nice family who understand their ‘language’ and good friends who plays with them; but some of them showed us sad stories, rejected by families, pup in the ground just like animals, abused verbally and physically, walk with their butts without underwear, or everything else. Some of them very diligent, but doesn’t able to enter normal school because as what people says towards them, they are ‘stupid’, couldn’t be taught. However they need 20x harder effort compared with us just to understand some easy task like spelling A-E. Some of them always have saliva out from their mouth, making some specific stink that high-maintained city girls would expel them in instant. But no matter how they live, indeed, they have no access to education. No access to see the world and taste the bittersweet of knowledge.

But this island is not a compilation of sad stories to show all of you how underdeveloped they are. This island with her beautiful stars, crystal clear waters, green mountains, dusty ground, communal hospitality that keeps calling, has made a kind of sentimental feeling of missing. She’s a raw diamond which sooner or later be polished by the different values from big cities across the sea. This island, with all the stories that couldn’t be told in a note, is a teacher for us. A teacher about how to be grateful for what you have as those so-called ‘underdeveloped’ people who could be happier than you. This island is a mirror to reflect how we’ve been living, and what we could do and we should do as a human. A mirror, which will always be remembered whatever we will be in the future.

And it has changed nineteen souls. It has changed us all.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

26.08.2011

Boleh curhat nggak? Laptop itu nyawa. Kabelnya jiwa. Dan ketika laptop anda kehilangan kabel H-4 deadline serta di saat yang bersamaan anda harus bersiap-siap merampungkan lagu-lagu untuk job menyanyi di pernikahan orang, bersiap untuk naik gunung serta mengerjakan calon skripsi, maka rasanya adalah NERAKA.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

dan ketika itu terjadi pada seorang sahabatmu, hatimu terasa retak separoh.


Tuhan. Adalah sebuah zona nyaman di mana seseorang telah didoktrin semenjak kecil sebagai bentuk transeden dari baik dan buruk. Sebagian orang mencari ke luar, beberapa menggali ke dalam. Sebagian kecil melakukan keduanya, namun tak jarang yang mencari Tuhan ke berbagai arah tanpa terlebih dahulu mengetahui apa yang telah ia pegang; dan ada pula yang hanya mempercayai doktrin masa kecilnya saja dengan menafikan kontradiksi yang terjadi jika ia menengok ke luar. Namun ada pilihan lain bagi beberapa orang: Menghapus Tuhan.

Cara yang paling terhormat untuk menemukan; atau memutuskan hilangnya Tuhan hanyalah dengan mencari. Membaca ribuan literatur yang memperdebatkan Tuhan bukan sebuah pekerjaan mudah yang singkat. Terlebih lagi, mendamaikannya dengan hati. Sebagian dari mereka yang bergulat seumur hidup dalam filsafat tetap dapat bertahan begitu dalam dengan Tuhan, namun tak jarang mereka yang belum tahu apa-apa, atau baru mengenal nama beberapa filsuf, telah begitu cepat memutuskan. Ada pula yang bergulat bertahun-tahun tanpa dapat beranjak dari zona nyamannya, separuh-separuh memanipulasi otak dan hatinya demi kenyamanan diri dan lingkungannya.

Bagaimanapun prosesnya, ketika seorang sahabatmu memutuskan memulai jalannya melepaskan diri dari Tuhan dan hatimu retak separoh, saat itulah kau merenung banyak...

Friday, July 29, 2011

rumah

Siang ini saya duduk di rumah yang remang dan terasa sepi. Rumah sejati yang setahun lebih saya tak pernah nikmati, tergantikan dengan kehidupan kos-kosan sejak tiga tahun lalu.

Tidak cukup banyak yang berubah dari rumah yang saya tinggali tujuh belas tahun ini. Sebagian darinya tetap sama, dan sebagian yang telah berbeda bercerita. Anggrek kesayangan ayah sudah bertambah lebih dari seratus lima puluh pot di sekeliling rumah. Pohon nangka yang kami tanam tahun lalu sudah tinggi dan gagah. Anjing saya yang obesitas sudah tampak anoreksia. Beberapa lemari telah ditambahkan di dapur dan ruang makan, serta sebagian buku-buku saya telah berpindah rak. Bagian yang paling berbeda adalah dapur lama yang telah berubah fungsi separuhnya menjadi kamar dan separuhnya lorong menuju ruang makan. Ada cerita sedih dari kamar baru itu.

Semenjak Januari, Mbah saya tinggal di Jakarta bersama tante saya, dan sempat tercetus untuk memindahkannya ke Palembang karena tante saya sibuk sedangkan Ibu saya selalu ada di rumah kami yang dekat dengan rumah sakit. Ayah sengaja merubah dapur lama menjadi kamar untuk Mbah yang telah sakit-sakitan sekitar bulan April lalu. Ada dua tempat tidur di sana, mungkin satu untuk Mbah dan satu untuk suster perawatnya. Dindingnya dilapisi wallpaper biru muda; bukan kebiasaan ayah melapisi dinding dengan wallpaper, tapi mungkin untuk orang spesial seperti ibunya, disuguhkanlah yang tidak biasa. Kamar itu telah jadi seratus persen ketika pertengahan Juni keadaan Mbah memburuk sehingga terpaksa dirawat di Bekasi. Dan sebelum kamar itu sempat ditempati, berpulanglah Mbah ke pelukan yang maha kuasa. Sekarang kamar itu tetap kosong, dengan bantal guling yang bahkan belum dibuka dari plastiknya.

Rumah adalah sebuah kenangan yang hidup, dan memang benar ia menorehkan cerita. Saya tumbuh, bermain, terluka, tidur, dididik paling banyak di sini. Saya belajar berenang dan bermain air di bak mandi super besar di rumah ini. Saya jatuh dari tangga, dikurung di balkon, memanjat pohon, pagar, parabola, lemari, tembok, genteng, merawat binatang peliharaan dan menguburnya, menjamu teman atau pacar, bertengkar, berkebun, membakar sampah, jatuh ke parit, hujan-hujanan, meniti tepian balkon, semua di sini. Dan sekarang saya dan adik saya mulai pandang-pandangan memikirkan nasib rumah tersayang bertahun ke depan.

Siapa yang mau merawatnya?

Kami terlalu bebas merajut kehidupan kami sendiri-sendiri, mengejar mimpi masing-masing dan akhirnya pun akan punya rumah di tempat kami tinggal nantinya. Tapi kami ingin pulang kampung. Kami ingin seperti Ayah yang setiap Natal membawa kami ke desanya di Lampung yang masih punya sungai dan sawah, menceritakan setiap detail desanya sebagai cerita ekstra seru yang terpatri dalam ingatan kami sebagai bocah. Tapi kami tidak punya kehidupan seperti itu; rumah ini hanyalah sebuah hak milik individu yang melukiskan kenangan personal pula. Dan dua puteri ahli warisnya terlalu egois untuk melepaskan mimpinya, berpulang ke pelukan ayah bunda.

...

Jika memang dapat terjadi, semoga tulisan ini mengingatkan saya bahwa pernah ada cita-cita seorang gadis muda menjadikan rumahnya panti asuhan anak-anak cacat, atau tempat berkegiatan buat jompo-jompo yang kesepian. Apapun... Asal ia, rumah ini, tidak mati dan dapat terus bercerita...

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Introduce me to love. Because every love seemingly turns into a mere obligation.

It was dawn when one of my old friend called me. First sentence she spoken was "What is the difference when you really care because you love, and the one when you merely feel it as an obligation?" I tried to answer. Honestly I really know nothing to say, but anyhow I want her to be comfort. But it's only need minutes for me to realized that I was talking bullshit.

The question she asked to me is an eternal question for some poeple. Hopefully not for me. Who doesn't want to feel a real love from somebody? A love that is not an obligation. But who knows whether you'll get it or not. Or worse, maybe you get it, but whether you can feel it or not, or give it or not.

There are times when I feel like a machine because love turns into obligation so fast for me. It only need months intense contact to be bored with anybody, then it will be my time to take distance towards them. We wear masks, many mask when we act nice like forever to our friends. Psychologist may have their theories, but past will remain past. And you'll be the villain unless you make other people as the real villain.

One exception for me is my family. It is the only reason for me to believe that pure love exists. I feel no obligation towards my sister but I love her, she's my half-breath. My mom and my dad never demand anything from me, they let me do everything. And I shall give applause for their method, they succeed in making me give everything, everything best from me to make them happy. They let me fly high, taste the world. I think they're lonely without me and my sister, but they ready with all the consequences since the first time they let us go. They love me. Indeed. But can I love them as they love me?

Each existed question long for an answer. It might be found in experiences, might be in prayers, or in any other places. As you seek it, you'll only could hope. And believe.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

sister. mate. couple.

hey blogger!

how lucky you are this morning. it's even the second time i write. well, if i may say, if somebody ask me what kind of husband i want, i will answer: "like my sister"

she's a half-soul of mine. worst thing in my life possibly would be her death. it's so difficult to find somebody fits you like that, not even best friends. honestly you can't always be positive with your besties, i mean, jealousy, insecurity happen with besties. i have many good friends, but no one really best. i need time to take my self away from them sometimes. i can't stand forever just with them. but with my sister, it's okay. we've been together for 15 years and separated after that but still, she's the most intense person whom i contact with and still doesn't make me bored. she always ready to do the craziest thing, without make me feel beaten. and she's fair, type of straight speaking. if i can find someone to call as soul mate, that must be like her.

the question is, can i find someone like her to spend the rest of my life? to be noted, in opposite sex. or, well, if it should be a woman, it will be more complicated because my life task on philosophical ground will be added by "lesbian reasoning", so i think it'll be better a man since there still many other reasoning tasks that almost blow my head up.

well, i know it's too random. is it because of blood, or just a given-mate? or is it just because i use to? if i can get the answer, possibly it would be the same formula with love.

anyway, i'm currently feeling like want to slap a bestfriend's couple. *sigh*

sunday dawn

looking back to our past sometimes tickling therefore it feels better just to remove it. but while i started blogging, one of the reason was "to look back to what you have written"

and now, after long time been abandoned, looking back to this blog feels embarrassing for me. in some years, it will be more embarrassing, i believe. but yeah, it was me. or still. many things had passed, unwritten. many unimportant stuffs written. at least, for this time, i prefer write my feelings in poems, since the needs of writing sometimes come so emotionally, and we need something in better forms than narration, something more hideous and look artistic. so that's why i really have nothing to do with this blog.

well, that's some unimportant random stuff for me. and thank you. enjoy.