Phase: Lost

In a phase like this, people starts get lost with the directions they're prepared. Well, there are two options. One: your eyes opened to another point of view, therefore your stupid brain be able to realize more thing you call "facts" but you're not ready for it. Two: you don't even open your eyes anymore. Tired of seeing makes you shut them, therefore you get blind and can't see.

Will you wait for someone to get you directions, stand still, or move away without directions?

No move I guess, because you don't even know where to move and what you want. All you know is how to keep on moving: nothing to achieve, nowhere to walk to. Your goals changed from "something" to nothing. Then you just walk so you don't have to stand still and feeling alone.

Then you lost deeper.
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Head, Heart, and Love

For spartans, love makes weaknesses. Use your head and don't be controlled by heart more than head.

Now I'm losing my faith in love. Does love exist? Or is it just a product of human weaknesses and physical reaction? Human needs a companion, so they put that love concept inside their brain; the same thing with physical reaction misred as signals of love.

I have many friends and I love them. But that's just a different thing. Friends are temporary, though they can last forever but they won't affect your life for a lifetime. They won't be a part of you in every second of your life. And what about being somebody's part? To choose or to wait? You can be with everyone if you choose to be like that. That's head's product. And for those who wait, are you sure you'll get that "one"? In the end you choose, indeed.

Anyway some precedents have thaught me not to take serious your "love" until your lover really able to prove that they love you. Until someone can give me a real proof of love, I don't think I'll believe it.


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Shopping

My sister and I love supermarkets. We love it more than boutique or factory outlets. When hypermarkets arose, we love hypermarkets, too. Even entering it without buy anything, we just love the activity of being there.

"Because our childhood memories, dad and mum always brought us there for family recreation. We love the atmosphere of family of which we get there"

Heal

If you refuse the fact that you're sick, will your body heal itself? Do you have any chance to use your body to fight the sickness without medicine? Will it break down if you keep pushing it, or will it follow your brain -which keep saying "you're strong, baby! mind power, isn't that weak until you really need medicine"?

Does it also applicable to human's heart, or feelings?

Hippie, Happy!

Almost to be forgotten, my junior high school was truly a time full of autism (you can say it "silly dreams"; I socialized well actually). I got my dream to be an european-turkey mafia's wife then. Another dream that hasn't been achieved is to be a left-handed writer. Another silly thing is to be a hippie. Yeay! A real hippie!

I don't really now what's so cool to be a hippie; I gues it's their free mind. Like Time stated "Do your own thing, wherever you have to do it and whenever you want. Drop out. Leave society as you have known it. Leave it utterly. Blow the mind of every straight person you can reach. Turn them on, if not to drugs, then to beauty, love, honesty, fun" Anyway, recognizing hippie as a counter-culture, almost every counter culture always attract my attention. For hippies, as they note themselves as seekers of meaning and values of life; their adoption of easterns ways; their healthy and back to nature living; their fashion, fancy colors, marijuanas, singings, and everything they choose, reflect their beauty of life phylosophy.

Living with nature (in one subject, my lecturer told me about bioregionalism, one -kind of ideology- behind this movement), and let the nature -which has its own mechanism- regulate itself, and you, as a part of the nature, just follow what they want. Believing that nature serves everything you need, and you should live close to them.

It draws us far enough to give us space to think how terrible our (and esp. MY) life now's been driven by consumtiveness and consumerism (of course they have their consumerism too, one about drugs, i.e.). Living back to nature, even, now is becoming (or has became) one way to spend your money. It's one of the product of consumerism. Corporates put a "healthy lifestyle" in our brain, of which its price, actually, has been manipulated unfairly compared with what nature actually serves for us.

One thing that interesting in their development, is the use of illegal drugs. It's non sense for me, while you're connecting trancedental conciousness with drugs. If you're realizing your relationship with life and other being, do it your self, conciously, not by using some extracted-from-nature-but-made-by-human-for-their-stupid-fellows shit. You're losing control then, therefore you betray the hippies way-of-life itself.

Finally. Talking about being a hippie seems to be remaining forever in my brain. In negative, I'd call myself "a coward choosing a safe life rather than exploring it with heart" for I -actually- have a very strong desire for freedom and another odds. It's allright, life's too short to be explored too much since we're young, isn't it? :P

<i>"It is nothing new. We have a private revolution going on. A revolution of individuality and diversity that can only be private. Upon becoming a group movement, such a revolution ends up with imitators rather than participants...It is essentially a striving for realization of one's relationship to life and other people..." </i>

Bob Stubbs, "Unicorn Philosophy"
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Bandung before a horrible subject's final test

Hey Bandung, been a long time since last time I visited you. Now's my coming isn't something has planned before, after one tiring day and a big (not really) dissapointment, suddenly I thought "Why not Bandung?"

And here I am.

Talking about Bandung, I'd tell a story about one who is lucky and one who's not. My younger sister is at Bandung right now, in fact, she's one of my reason going here. After some exhausting placement tests for national varsities (which none of it accepted her), she's finally decide to pay one of civil varsity, the only one which has accepted her. And now, getting inspiration from I don't know where, she's having another test at one of the best faculty in southeast asia, in one civil university in Bandung. And the major she choose, were and actually is, my dream major.

Architechture. Pray for her, may God bless her to pass the test, or at least, may money be able to help her pass the test (not dirty money of course). But for whatever the result is, I never imagined, that she will be interested at that subject. For how lucky I am, I did choose my major law, and left my dream (not really a dream, I guess, I'm just being dramatic), to open my way for her choosing whatever she wants. But now, Jesus!! Even to enter the university has been difficult for her. I never suspect her for any brainlessness like this. How fishy I was! And now, despite choosing subjects that attract her excitement, I guess she's doing the same way I did: saving the future by choosing some boring-but-safe major. Actually law isn't boring, but still, it's not what I really wanted. I'm just saving myself, and I thought, was, saving her.

Anyway it's been too far from lucky and unlucky. But I'm not evoked anymore to talk more about lucky. I'm lucky enough, for I only have to try once to enter one good university. And my sister, let her decide whether she'll be lucky or not. Not her brain which is wrong, just her head and heart, maybe.
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